You're Different....Just Like Everyone Else.

I passed an EMO kid in the grocery store today. That alone is hilarious to me. Can't you just imagine his mother telling him he needed to go to the Piggly Wiggly to get a loaf of bread and him responding "OMG MOM....HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO GO TO THE STORE! Fallout Boy just cued up on my IPOD and my battery is low....I can't take your abuse!" But, being that she is mom and is now responsible for the extra $400 a year it cost to add her teenager to her car insurance, and paid for the $600 ensemble he is wearing (hey it costs a lot of money to be a part of a cultural movement), she sends him on his way. The funniest thing about seeing that kid on the bread aisle was the part of the conversation I overheard him having with another (I'm willing to bet) emo friend on his cell...which was way nicer than mine by the way.

EMO KID: Why can't my mom just get this stuff when she goes to the grocery store herself?
PAUSE
EMO KID: I know right...like I don't have enough to do...
PAUSE
EMO KID: I should just buy the kind of bread I like...just to piss her off.

I only wish I was savvy enough to post audio in this blog so I could convey the amount of whining in this kids voice. I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or slap the kid in the back of the head.

I usually try to just ignore the kids (and some adults) who subscribe to whatever fashion statement du jour is, be it Goth, Emo, Hip Hop...what have you, but lately it's become a source of great amusement. Especially the white kids who want to be Ghetto. I want to shake them and tell them that by sampling something that is perceived to be "black" culture, they aren't really breaking any new ground. As a matter of fact Pat Boone did it way back in the 50's when he sang covers of Little Richard songs. So all those little white boys from the burbs are not so much Tupac as they are Pat Boone. I'd love to do the world a favor and drop them in the middle of South Central and see how long they last calling someone their "nigga"*. That's a reality show I can really get behind. I find boys who scream like little girls to be the epitome of comedy.

Goth kids crack me up because they run around claiming to be so misunderstood. Are you kidding me? People don't get that you like sad clowns and puppies and rainy days get you down because you look like you eat live bats. Try wiping your mother's makeup off, and give your little sister back her Polly Pocket's clown kit and we'll chat. In the meantime, don't blame me for being pissed because you scared my toddler who thought you were creepy. It's not his fault either, everyone thinks you're creepy.

Emo kids...well someone said it best: "You're from the suburbs, no one feels sorry for you". I want to create a bumper sticker that says "My Goth kid ate your Emo". If any graphic artists are reading this, you have my permission to use that, but you have to send me a free t-shirt or something.

Now lest you think me judgemental, let me just say, I went through my phases as well when I was in High School. I wore a lot of black, listened to heavy metal and punk music, had a jacked up hair cut and wore the brightest shade of red lipstick imaginable. If you can't tell by my icon, I am the color of cream cheese and probably looked like a traffic light walking down the halls, because nothing sets off pasty skin like "ravishing red" lipstick. I also wrote my share of bad poetry and locked myself in my room for hours at a time, all the while complaining to my friends that my parents ignored me. I spent a whole lot of time plotting how to be different and unique.

Luckily, around my second year in college, I looked around one day and saw about 30 people looking just as different and unique as I did, and thought they all looked like douche bags. In a light bulb moment I realized I must look like a douche bag too, and hurried home to change...and find a more suitable shade of lipstick.

So kiddos, here is your unsolicited advice of the day from your Auntie Carol: If you want to be different, don't go shopping at the same store and cut your hair the same way every other kid does...be yourself, no one else is doing it. Oh yeah, and you look like a douche bag.